A Long Tunnel (part one)

Have you ever driven through a tunnel under a river? One of those long, long tunnels where all you hear is the seams in the road, and the fluorescent lights make the world turn a sick yellow color? At a certain point in the tunnel, the light from where you started from disappears, and if it is a particularly wide river, you may not yet be able to see where you are going. This is a great moment to NOT think about the amount of water pressing in on you or the little tiles popping off the walls as water sprays through. It's a great moment not to panic.

It's also a moment that perfectly encapsulates our financial world last year. I know I fell off the blogging cliff (so to speak) and many of you may of wondered where I went to. Well, I have been under the river, clinging to faith that the tunnel will end and trying very hard not to panic. It's kind of difficult to write in that place. It's difficult to write about the sunshine and roses and the beautiful secure place that you came from. And it's difficult to write about your yet unseen destination. I found that the only thing I could do was to trust my sweet heavenly Father who was in the driver's seat the whole time saying, "We're almost there, Tracy. I've got you. You're safe with me."

The beginning of our tunnel was the decision for Matt to go full time in self-employment with our business Jones House Creative. It was really exciting at the beginning (as all adventures are) and also very clear. From the start of the tunnel, we could see accross the river to the other side. We felt like God was leading us and the tunnel of self-employment didn't look at all scary. It just looked like the next step in the journey for us.

However, it was at about that mid-way point when reality of our situation set in. I don't think I actually panicked (that often), but I also found that the only thing that I knew for certain about finances anymore was that God had us. I didn't know where our next job would come from, or our next paycheck. I didn't know what we would do when our savings ran out, or even how we would pay for Christmas. It seemed in so many ways that we had picked the worst year to start a business. The economy was (and is) struggling and many companies are cutting their ad campaign budgets completely.

There were several moments where I just wanted to turn the car around and head back to the side of a salary and steady income. I know how to budget a salary. I know how to save money... but how do you budget and save when NO money is coming in? There is no budget that will work on a $0 income. At some point last year, we both realised that this is why people get small business loans to start their business. Starting a business is hard.

However, Matt and I have a commitment to not being in debt, so we decided that we would not get a small business loan, and we also decided to live within out means... no matter how small that means was. Either God was with us in the journey and was going to take care of us, or we were in the wrong tunnel. There were moments, when it really felt like we might be in the wrong tunnel, particularly when we had bills due and were waiting for a client to send their payment. There is so much about my plan for budgeting in self-employment that is excellent, but I have learned some amazing lessons this year which taught me that it didn't go far enough. For instance, having a budget as a guideline is wonderful, but if your client is two weeks late in paying, or even six months late, you need a contingency plan.

I now have a budget and a super trimmed down bare bones budget for months like that. I look forward to sharing all of the tips and insights that I have gained in the coming while. I feel like there is always a lesson to be learned in the journey of life, and if God has given you a voice or a pen, then pass that lesson on for the people that are behind you. It may only be the lesson that tile number 214,508 marks the half way point... but to the next person through that tunnel that information may be a life preserver.

We still are not on the other side of the river yet with Matt's business, but we are starting to see some signs of light. First of all, Matt LOVES what he's doing. He gets to be creative all day and his clients really love working with him and use him again and again. He has some corporate clients now and is doing consistent work for them. Ladies, I don't know about you, but there is so much that I will go through and even "suffer" to see my husband fulfilled and happy in his life. It truly makes the journey easier.

Secondly (or thirdly if you want to break up the first point), we were able to pay all of our bills last year, not go into debt and even to end the year with money in our savings! When we looked back on that fact at the end of the year, we were both amazed at the faithfulness of our God. It feels so tight and hard sometimes when you are going through the difficult times, but you always see God's hand in hindsight. I wish I lived with future hindsight. I would never worry. However, maybe that is what faith is anyway. It is knowing the end from the beginning, not because you can see it, but just because He said it is there.

And maybe that is the real secret to the tunnel analogy. It feels like a tunnel when you are constantly looking for an escape from your current situation. When will the end come? When will you be delivered from what you are going through? But if you change your perspective and embrace the fact that the journey of self-employment is really the destination... all of a sudden you aren't trapped under the water, you are celebrating the fact that you aren't drowning and are still alive.

Our family has food, we have a home, our bills are paid... the tunnel didn't spring a finance destroying leak. God was absolutely right when He led us into this adventurous tunnel and He's right when He says that He will keep us safe, but the challenge for all of us is choosing to believe Him before we get to the end. "Future hindsight", hmmmm, also known as trust, or faith (or foresight, as my husband pointed out, but I don't think that makes my point nearly so well). I think when we get to the end of the tunnel we may find that faith was the destination all along.

In closing I want to share a short story from Hebrews 11:7 in the Message Bible:

"By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God."

And from Hebrews 11:1,

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living."

Toys in the Cot

Have you ever wanted anything so badly that you were willing to “throw all your toys out of the cot” to get it? You may not be familiar with that expression, but my Mom has used it for as long as I can remember to say, “a big fit to get your way.” Now when it comes to your money and that thing that you want is something that you want to buy, it may not take that many toys to get it. But the question remains, how hard will you push to get your way?

Now with a two year old, a four year old and a six year old in my house, I know a little bit about strong will, determination, and a lot about fits. It’s something I work with almost everyday: Training the will of a child to submit to guidance. It is so difficult to stay consistent in this very important lesson of childhood, yet I often think of the end result and that helps me in my daily effort.

One day, my son will be making a decision and will feel the heart of God cautioning him not to choose that path or buy that thing and instead of pushing to get his own way, he will yield. He won’t think of me in that moment, but I think often of him in that moment. For me, that is the true “why” in discipline and training. I’m not just training my children to hear and obey my voice. I’m training them to hear the Holy Spirit and to respond to His voice. If the only thing they learn is to submit to their own will and desires, they will fight the restraint that the voice of God sometimes brings.

In that moment when you are standing in a store, staring at the object of your desire, trying to justify the expense, coming up with all kinds of schemes on how to pay for it, or not bothering to scheme at all and just reasoning that you’ll put it on credit and figure it out later, desire is ruling your heart. It is a tricky moment. I encounter it often :) Unfortunately, I know you do to.

Sometimes, your desire clouds out all the other voices… reason, your budget, the Holy Spirit… and you buy it anyway and try to feel good about your decision. And then sometimes you stand there with that absolute disquiet in your spirit, and you have no idea why. You have the money, you want that item whatever it is, and your spirit is just absolutely saying “No”. Do you yield?

I have learned to, and a lot of it has to do with this story…

When my brother, Brad, was about 5 years old, my Mom, Brad and I were shopping in K-mart. My brother found this “wonderful” toy that he just had to have. He came to my Mom, full of desire, with the toy in hand. My Mom looked at his sweet face of longing and felt that deep groan (that every parent knows) when you realize that there is no way out but tears. She didn’t want to buy the toy and knew she needed some wisdom, so in that moment she just turned to the Lord and asked for it.

“Bradley,” she said to him. “Let’s ask God if He wants you to have that toy.” She took his hand in hers and then just simply prayed, “Holy Spirit, will you show Bradley if he is supposed to get this toy.”

“Now, I want you to go walk around and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and what He is saying to you.” My little five year old brother went traipsing off, toy in hand, to decipher the voice of God, while my Mom prayed like mad, “God, please, if you’ve never spoken before, please speak to my five hear old son!”

After a few moments, he returned. “Mom, I don’t hear anything.” My Mom looked in his little face and in her heart she knew that the Lord was wanting to take this moment to teach Brad a lesson. “Bradley,” she said holding out both her hands, “I want you to give me your toy in this hand. Now in my other hand, I want you to give me your desire.” So, my little five year old brother placed the longed for toy in one hand and then in pretend, placed his desire in her other hand. “Now, why don’t you try asking the Lord again and listening for what he wants to say.”

Brad walked away, but in just a few minutes he was back. A huge smile was spread across his face, and with absolute joy he said, “Mom, God said I’m not supposed to get the toy.” There was peace in that moment. There was sweet release from the hold of desire that comes with hearing the voice of God. Toy laid down, my Mom, brother, and I left the store that day without buying anything. My brother was just so excited to have heard from God. My Mom was just so grateful that God speaks to five year olds. And I had just learned the power of surrendering desire.

So what do you do in that moment of wrestling between the Holy Spirit and your desires?… You walk away. Leave it alone and surrender your desire. God doesn’t always say “No” and if you fear that He will then it will make it very difficult to trust Him. But here is the truth: God always has your very best at heart. He will never turn away from doing you good. And if He is saying “No” then there is an amazing reason that you may never know.

However, I have had times when I yielded to the “No” in my Spirit and had the thing that I wanted go on sale the next week. I have heard “No” and seen the Lord do miracles in giving me the very thing that I was going to buy. But I have also had Him quiet my heart and my desires so that the thing lost it’s lure for me and I was thankful that I didn’t waste my money on it. However, there are also moments when He says “Yes” and then boy is it fun to buy that thing. I always feel like when I have a big “yes” in my spirit like I got the golden stamp of approval and that item is going to last forever. If this is what He has for me, then whoohoo, it is going to be perfect for me and my family.

Obviously, I don’t wrestle over everything I buy. Honestly, that would be miserable and I would probably quit shopping… Ok, no I wouldn’t. But it is in the moments of submission when I have to know how good God’s heart is for me. It is in those moments when my soul is in conflict that I am so glad that my parents taught me obedience so that I can walk away and turn my desires over to the Lord. Now I’m not giving you a free pass if your parents didn’t teach you obedience. After all, it’s never too late to learn, and your heavenly Daddy is a much better teacher anyway. I just want to give you a tool for the next time you are tempted to “throw all your toys out of the cot” to get your own way. Walk away, let go of that desire, and surrender to whatever God has for you. It is always good, even if it doesn’t include the new car, or new throw pillows, or the newest released DVD.

Just like Brad, you may even find a joy in the “No” that you never dreamed was possible. It may be that hearing God’s voice and learning to trust him was the whole point anyway… the toy was just the object lesson. And as you stand there staring at your object lesson, it might help to realize that no matter how big your desire, God’s hands are big enough to hold it… you just have to take the simple step of surrender. Two hands… In the one hand: Lord, do you want me to have this? In the other: Lord, I’m giving you my desire. Powerful stuff. I dare you to try it. Who knows, He may even say “Yes” :)

Something Stirring

From the vicious heat of summer and the constant motion of my children, I suddenly feel a change coming. The rains have come this week. My precious Noah is back at school and life is beginning to find the rythm of routine once again. There is something about the Oklahoma heat that causes everything to dry up and stop and seek desperate shelter in the relief of a friend's pool. That is where my creativity has been hybernating. It is where my writing has both whithered and found refreshment. I miss the flow of creativity. I miss the sermons that I often preach to myself. And I miss helping people to escape the desert of debt and find an oasis of both God's faithfulness and a practical plan for leaving the desert... forever.

I feel in my heart it is time to write again. I feel the stirrings of my book, calling to me from the neglect of these keys. There is a time for rest, a time for just being Mommy, and then there is the time where God calls your heart to His purpose and the journey begins again.

So I am here again. I'm going to attempt to write at least weekly, maybe more. But it is important that I write and it is important to keep on going. I have also been contemplating starting a couple of other blogs because many times I just have too many other things to say that have very little to do with finance... Maybe, one thing at a time :)

I hope this summer has been a good one for you, and I hope that just your skin has been sucked dry by the heat and not your wallet. It is funny, because no rational person would pay $4 for an icecream cone until it is 104 degrees outside and then you will gladly empty your wallet for one. I have (a time or two) this summer. Mostly on behalf of my kids. Mostly.

I have always loved the changing of the seasons, and as this one closes I feel that familiar excitement coming to my heart. Something new is around the corner. New beginnings, new friendships, a new season. It is good to feel the stirring and I hope that you too will be stirred in the journey with me. It's time to get our houses in order and discover again why we are doing what we are doing and what else God has for us on the journey. It's a good time to say goodbye to summer heat, vacations, expenses, and neglect, and I can't help feeling that for all of us, the rains have come just in time.

The Number of Faith

I have to admit, when it comes to believing God for His provision, that provision has often had an exact number in my head. Maybe it's because I think in numbers, or because of my belief that it is important to be specific with your prayers. To me it is a different prayer when you pray, "Lord thank you that you are taking care of me" versus "Lord thank you that I am safe as I drive to work today. Your angels surround me and Your word says that even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I don't have to fear because You are with me. Thank You for being with me as I drive today." As you get specific with your prayers, your faith arises and you begin to declare the promises of the Lord. You also get to see specific answers to praise God for.

For instance, recently I was praying for my friends marriage. As I prayed I felt led to ask the Lord to intervene in a 180 degree turn around. It was hard for me to imagine the situation ever changing for the better, but as I prayed specifically for their communication skills and for breakthrough, I also prayed that it would be a "suddenly" work of God. One week later, my friend called to tell me the miracle that God had done in her marriage. God had brought them to a place of agreement in an amazing, suddenly way. I was so glad that I hadn't prayed a little, "Jesus, bless their marriage" prayer, but had been specific. Because when God answered, not only was my friend's marriage transformed, but my faith soared. I wasn't just happy for my friend, I was charged to believe that God could move any mountain. It is amazing to see God move on anyone's behalf, but for some reason when His movement answers a specific prayer from your heart... it blows you away.

I have seen this many times in my finances as well. Most recently, I saw God answer as I was preparing my grocery list yesterday. I had spent some of my grocery money already and as a result I was having to plan my meals on a relatively tight budget. To be specific, I had $85 to buy meals for 13 days. It honestly seemed a little impossible. I finished making my list, and as I sat there looking at my list I was really doubting that I could buy all of the ingredients and items on my list for what I had left in the grocery budget. Then in my spirit came this verse from Psalms 37, "I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his children begging for bread." All of a sudden, faith sparked in my heart. I even wrote the verse across the bottom of my grocery list. I will not lack. My children will have food. Thank you Lord for Your amazing provision.

Inspired, I got my calculator out and began to add up the cost of my groceries. Do you know that I had exactly enough money for my entire grocery list, including tax? I sat there amazed, and even more amazed when it actually worked as I checked out at the grocery store. I just felt God's smiling at me: "Why do you worry, little one? I know what you need."

Yet even in God's amazing faithfulness, I can sometimes get bogged down in the specifics. If God doesn't provide in exactly the way that I have asked and believed, I can sometimes feel like He didn't come through. For those of you who don't know, my husband and I have embarked on a very thrilling adventure this year. Matt started his own graphic design business and through the transition of this year we have had to believe God for His provision on many occasions. However, on some of those occasions, God hasn't met my numbers.

I have pondered this dilemma a lot. Why is it that sometimes He will provide to the dollar as He did with my groceries, and other times it looks like He hasn't provided at all? People often speculate on this issue as to whether you had the right amount of faith, or didn't have faith, or maybe you are missing God. I know I have asked these same questions on occasion. But last week I had an epiphany.

I was sitting with our books and looking at my budget and I started talking to God about my budget. "Lord," I prayed, "I need $x.00 by the 15th of this month. I am just believing you for the money to meet our budget." My prayer was quite a bit longer than that, but at the end of it I sat quietly and I so clearly heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, "I am not locked into your numbers." Honestly, it was like He had just tossed me a water balloon which burst all over my perfectly planned budget. In that moment I realized that God had never promised me to provide the exact numbers of my budget. What He had promised me was that He would always provide. He had never promised me that I could spend money however I liked and that He would pay the bill, but what He has promised is that if I walk by the Spirit I will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. In other words, sometimes what I perceive as lack may just be me missing the Holy Spirit and overspending. Sometimes, His provision just doesn't work with my numbers.

As I sat there reeling from the effects of His words, the questions began to come in my heart. Have you ever lacked for food?
No
Have you ever lacked for shelter?
No
Are you clothed? Are your children clothed?
Yes
Is there anything that you truly need that God hasn't provided?
No.

And I realized in these questions that many times when I am questioning God's lack of provision (or my perception of it) what I should be reminding myself of is:
Am I starving? Am I naked? Am I without shelter?

Then God is providing for my needs, it just looks different than what I think it should look like. My heart turned in such a dramatic way that day. Instead of expecting God to match my numbers with His provision, I am asking Him for the wisdom to match my spending to His provision. And that turns out to be as simple as, if He doesn't provide more than $85 to spend on groceries, then I don't spend more than $85 on groceries. If I actually need something beyond that then I believe Him for the provision that need before I spend.

I know that Matt's and my financial situation is a little extreme right now. Most people take out loans to start a business and we are doing it without loans. In fact, we have joked that we are working our way through starting a business the way that some people work to pay their way through school without loans. It has been such a huge learning curve for us. I've learned so many lessons, but many of them are lessons that it will be so much easier to share once we have walked through this valley a little further. That is one of the reasons why I haven't been writing lately. It is easier to write on the other side then when you are down in the middle of it all. But through every lesson, we have seen God in His faithfulness and I will be excited to share from this season one day.

In the mean time... we do not lack. Both in the specifics and in the big picture, God is taking care of us. I know that He cares about my budget and that even the concept of having a budget is a thought from His heart so that we can manage well what He has given us. However, I think all of us need the reminder that though we work with our numbers and our salaries, our commission checks, our paychecks and our budgets, God's provision goes beyond our numbers.

It is just a wonderful truth that I am beginning to realize, and that is: we may believe God for a specific number in provision, but you can't really put a number on His provision. The key is in believing and not necessarily the amount you are believing for. So go ahead and ask, believe, seek, and knock... but if He doesn't answer immediately, it may be because He is busy sneaking in the back door to surprise you. God will always answer, it just may not come from the direction you were expecting, and it may not always fit neatly into your numbers :)

God bless until next time.
Tracy

Oompa-Loompa Wisdom

I am white... not as an ethnicity (although technically that is true too)... but rather as a very pale, ghostly winterish shade of hiding under sweaters for the last 6 months white. I was especially white sitting next to my darling mother today who has just returned from a glorious beach vacation. "Wow, look how tan I am," she rejoiced as she held her beautifully golden arm next to my, what all of a sudden appeared to have turned bluish-white, arm. It was a very cool day here in Tulsa, so maybe that's why I appeared a little blue.... or maybe it's just my skin crying out for sunshine. So far, the distress signal has gone unnoticed as we have had rain everyday for the last two weeks. Will summer ever come?

Last week, as I was thinking about my brilliant whiteness and praying for summer, I decided to try to do something about it. I hate tanning beds and had recently watched a movie where they had gone for mystic tans. Of course in the movie (Bride Wars), the tanning goes horribly wrong with Anne Hathaway's milky white skin going an awful Oompa-Loompa-ish orange, but I felt optimistic about my chance of success. I decided to make an appointment for a mystic tan.

I organized with Matt to have the children and dressed in a hideous getup to protect my skin after the mystic tan. Apparently, very bad things will happen to your skin if you get it wet after mystic tan, and unfortunately for me, it was still raining in Tulsa. So, covered in a huge rain jacket, pants, long sleeve shirt, socks and shoes and no makeup, I arrived at the Tanning Salon. The teenager working behind the counter took me through the paperwork and then started on an extensive tour of the salon. I'll spare you the details, it was really only the ending that I remember anyway... the part where she says, "The best deal for you is to get a month membership because mystic tan only lasts for 5-7 days." 5-7 DAYS!!! I thought it would at least last for a month. "For how much?" I hesitantly inquired... "$30 for a single application. But you can join for a month for $75," the girl added cheerfully.

Now, I had gone to great lenths to be at this appointment. I was excited to have color on my skin, even if it was fake color. I had even been praying all week asking the Lord to provide for my mystic tan. It really was the desire of my heart, and I knew it was a small thing for the Lord. Yet as I stood there and realized the stupidity of paying $30 for a tan that would last for a week, everything became clear. "I'm so sorry," I said to the girl," but I need to cancel my appointment." I felt silly, I felt a little dissapointed, but I also felt really peaceful. And as I walked down the steps to my car, I felt the Lord speak these words to my heart, "See, I provided." I just started laughing. He did provide. Only, He didn't provide the money, He provided me with wisdom. God knew my real need, and He answered my prayer.

There are so many times when God's provision doesn't come in the form that we are expecting and asking. He is absolutely faithful to take care of His children, but sometimes His answer is to give us the wisdom to walk away from a situation that is just a financial drain. There are times when you absolutely need a financial miracle, but that miracle may come in the wisdom to handle your finances better. Or that miracle may come in the form of additional work. I love how God takes care of us, because He does it from outside of our box with the perfect view of the big picture of our lives. Who knows, in His perfect big picture of my life, maybe He knew that my skin would turn oompa-loompa orange with mystic tan, or maybe He just knew that the lesson that I learned through that experience was infinitely more valuable than a $30 tan.

Whatever the reason, I know that God was working for my good in all of it. I asked Him to provide, I gave Him the desires of my heart, and in including Him in that process, I allowed the miraculous to be part of the frivolous. After all, mystic tan is not high on the priority list in the budget. It's actually a total waste of money, but God didn't say "No." He could have put a check in my spirit about it, but He didn't. Rather, He took the opportunity to teach me a wonderful lesson of faith and His provision, and I left that salon closer to Him and rejoicing that He had provided. I wasn't tan, but I was totally content.

Even today, as I looked at my blue-white skin next to my Mom's golden glow, I remembered again His "provision" at the Tanning salon and it just made me smile. Maybe God likes me pale... well, that seems like a stretch. I think He just likes me listening, and asking, and including Him. He likes being in relationship with me, and in that relationship comes everything I have need of, whether that is peace, or patience, or finances, or grace for a situation, or wisdom. He doesn't just GIVE me what I need. He IS what I need and in relationship, He gives me Himself for my need. That is why God isn't a vending machine, and faith isn't making out my Christmas wish list of desires. Faith is believing that He IS and that He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6) In other words, I believe in God and His goodness, and He comes into my situation and brings His goodness for my needs. He doesn't "reward" us with stuff. He "rewards" us with Himself.

So even though I didn't get what I thought I wanted, I got more of God. I had a great laugh feeling His peace and presence all the way home from the tanning salon, and my heart was totally happy. I learned a wonderful lesson and my heart opened up in trust even more. He is so good and He only gives good gifts to His children. Who knows? Maybe His good gift to me was that my Mom didn't lean over today and say to me, "Wow, look how brown I am next to your orange arms." When I needed His provision, He provided me with wisdom, and I think there may be some areas where that is God's answer for your need too. Because without His wisdom, we are all just one bad decision away from Oompa-Loompa land.

Spreading Your Budget Too Thin

Is there such a thing as having a budget with too many categories? It sounds funny because many of us DO have extra categories that we would love to be able to fit into our budget. But what if you are able to fit them? I know that in the past that I have often mentioned to be specific and realistic with your list of expenses. If you are spending money on something, it is important that it is included in your budget, or it will be going on the credit card and creating debt. However, there is a difference between a budget and a wish list, and I want to talk about that today.

Recently, a lady was talking to me about how tight her budget is. "I just don't have much wiggle room," she complained. But as we continued to talk she revealed that she has categories for everything in her budget: her hair, getting her nails done, her house keeper, Christmas, vacations, birthdays, anniversary, yard work, plus all of her bills. Honestly, her "budget" sounded like my wish list. She had planned for everything thinking that she was being smart with her budget, but had left herself with nothing left over. Now, she has the funds to be able to do that; however, she has also maxed out her budget to the point where she feels like she has no money (yes, I know that may sound crazy to some of you who would die for a manicure or even a vacation, but to others it will make perfect sense... so hang in there.).

The issue here is that she has come to view the optional, fun things that only come from abundance as mandatory for her life. By putting these "extras" into her budget she is giving them a place of importance that she may feel is valid, and yet they really are not essential. Sometimes you can forget that spending that money is optional just because you have it set aside for that purpose.

For instance, instead of looking at her budget as tight with no wiggle room, she might consider adjusting some of these optional things. She could drop her weekly manicure, or iron her own laundry and thereby cut back on her dry cleaning budget, or even reduce her savings for Christmas (and then spend less at Christmas). I feel like I am picking on her, but many times we are all guilty of thinking that a certain thing is just not "optional". One of my dear friends insisted to me while I was doing her budget that even though she was in debt, "Getting coffee is just not optional." I laughed with her, because coffee may not be optional, but buying a Starbucks Latte at almost $4 each several times a week is definitely optional.

We all get these blind spots that we think we just can't live without. However, when those blindspots are sabotaging your budget and causing you to constantly feel like you don't have enough, then it is time to re-evaluate what is actually important. That $4 Latte three times a week is an additional $50 a month that is coming out of my friend's budget! That is an extra $600 a year that could be going towards her debt. It is funny because when your perspective changes, everything becomes optional.

Even if your budget is tight and it seems impossible to squeeze in anything else, there still may be areas that you have locked yourself into "having" to have, that are really not neccessities. Another friend of mine insisted that she just had to have money for eating out. "You could save a lot of money by cooking at home," I suggested. I could tell by the look on her face that no matter what I said she was still going to do what she wanted to do. Eating out for her had become a "neccessity", yet if she really was as tight as she said she was, then she would have seen eating out for what it is: a luxury. So.... tight, but not that tight :)

And that is exactly my point. If you feel like your budget is tight and you are always barely making it then you may need to give yourself some more "wiggle" room at the expense of your luxury categories. I am not even suggesting that you cut them out all together. One Latte a week would still reduce your budgeted amount by $35. Or perhaps, have your home cleaned every other week, or even once a month. How about limiting yourself to only eating out for lunch ~ a time when many restaurants reduce their prices for the lunch menu, you are less inclined to order as much as dinner, and thus your bill will be significantly lower? That way you can still get the flavors you love and free your budget up as well. If you are already paying for a cell phone, you may consider cancelling your home phone number? Most people are using their cell phones more these days, and that extra $25 a month (at least) for a land line, may well be a luxury that you will never even miss.

Along these lines, I have a confession to make: I don't have a hair budget (or a nail budget for that matter ~ although that would be lovely... and stupid for me... I have three children after all. My nails are constantly destroyed). It is something that I would love to add into my budget, but there just isn't room at the moment. We have prioritized our budget and really the only place that that money could come from is savings, and I am not willing to do that. So, when I need my hair cut I just have to believe God for the money for my hair.

And you know what? He is wonderful at taking care of me. He knows my needs and is the one who is providing for me, whether through my husband's work, or my side work, or whatever the source... it all comes from His hands. Every time I need a haircut it is an opportunity for me to believe God and see His faithfulness. You may also need to cut some of your luxury items out of your budget and just start specifically believing God for His provision for those items. Can I encourage you to then wait for His provision and don't put it on the credit card. It may just be a great lesson in faith and in seeing the faithfulness of God, or His faithfulness may be revealed in you not needing that luxury as much as you thought you did.

It is wonderful to have a budget, but it is also OK to leave things (especially things that are Luxury) out and then IF you need those things you can pull that money from your Gift budget, or Entertainment budget, or even from Clothing money. I am not saying to put it on credit card, or to be foolish about things that you regularly need and that need to be included in your budget. I am just saying that there is such a thing as spreading your budget to thin, and in that thiness it often becomes unlivable. Giving yourself a little bit of wiggle room will often stop that burn out and the spending free fall that often comes after budget burnout and that lands you back in debt.

Instead of labeling your Latte budget as "Latte budget", how about "Free money". Sometimes just changing the title may help your heart to relax in what you have to spend and in not feeling so tight. It may seem like "semantics", but giving yourself permission to spend that money on other things than Latte's (and then having the boundary to stop spending when the envelope is empty) can really help your heart to keep going with budgeting. It may be a choice like, "Do I want to be able to buy my coffee out next week, or do I want that new book." You may decide to check it out from the library instead of buying it, or you may decide that you can make coffee at home next week. But in that freedom to choose and to wiggle, you will feel freedom. You are still within your budget, but you aren't locked into too many itemized categories. Call it all Free Money or Entertainment Money instead and then wiggle away :) Or you may just decide that you don't need the coffee or the book, and instead you put that money into savings. And that is the whole point.

Your budget is a guide to your financial journey. It should never be prison, so don't get locked into too many categories that only seem essential. Determine the categories that actually are essential and then put more money into savings. After all, budgeting isn't just for your wish list of wants today, it is for your dreams for tomorrow. and I promise you that when you are able to put down the cash deposit for your new home, or pay for your children's tuition to university, or take your dream vacation... you won't miss the Latte's at all.

Outside of My Box

This past Tuesday, I had a divine appointment. It just so happened it was with my hair dresser. My hair dresser is a wonderful girl named Claire. One of the things I love about Claire (besides her wonderful skills with hair) is that Claire lives outside of the box. I have the feeling she always has. When I first met her she had pink hair, and this wonderfully spunky attitude. But underneath her unconventional exterior, Claire has faith like a giant.

She told me at this past appointment that her friends are always suprised that she is a Christian. "Why are you suprised?", she asked a lost friend recently. "I've just always felt accepted by you, not judged," her lost friend replied. In my opinion, Claire is the perfect missionary. She is full of love, anchored in her relationship with Jesus, and absolutely real.

So, I was sitting in her chair, and she starts talking to me about God's provision in her life. Her car broke down last week and she had to put $700 into repairing her car. Thankfully she had that money in savings, but it was money she was going to use towards attending her brother's wedding. So, she simply turned to her heavenly Father and asked Him to provide. When I sat down in her chair, she had just gotten off the phone with her brother who told her that he wanted to pay for her ticket to come to the wedding! "You don't know how extremely serious my brother is about money. This is totally a miracle." I completely believed her.

God has done incredible miracles for Claire. She has just been through one of the worst years of her life after surviving a heart breaking divorce and her Father's unexpected death (she is only about 30!). She has a son and is now raising him as a single Mom. And yet even in all of the heart break, I still see God's smile all over her life. And so does she.

As she was rinsing my hair, she started talking to me about being a giver. "I used to be a hoarder. I would worry about needing it later. What if I run out? What if I don't have enough? But you know what? I would just end up never using it. The clothes would end up being out of style, or it would just sit in a closet. Now, I just look for opportunities to give things away. It's amazing, because I will give a purse away, and God will give me an awesome purse instead. It just makes you want to keep giving, because God keeps giving."

As I listened to Claire I felt God say to me so gently, “I am not in your box.” I honestly wanted to cry. I felt His peace come all over my heart, and the tension that I have been carrying about our finances melt away. Until that gentle reminder from an unexpected source, I hadn’t realized how much I had let go of my Father’s hand and become dependent on my own resources to meet my needs.

Matt and I have started a new business, and though the business is going well, it is still hard going. This past month has been especially tight financially. I do have a wonderful plan for living on a commission based income (which really does work). However, sometimes things happen outside of our plan. There are things that no matter how hard you try to cram EVERYTHING into your budget, will still surprise you. As they say: life is full of surprises. Unfortunately, surprises often happen outside of our plans, beyond our budget, and outside of our box. Fortunately, God does not live in our box. He is not contained within our budget and He is not limited by our income in His ability to provide.

As Claire began to cut my hair she said to me, “Tracy, God knows exactly what you need. Just ask Him. He will provide.” And in that moment, I realized that I have done a lot of juggling with my budget, a lot of thinking about my finances, but I haven’t actually asked God specifically for our needs. Many times we ask God to provide in general, but there is really something amazing about praying about the specifics. It’s almost like we target our faith rather than just casting it out there for whatever. So, as she blow dried my hair, I asked God for His provision for my much needed Dentist appointment. I asked Him to provide for the other things that have been on my heart. And I asked Him what I could give away that I have been hoarding.

And in that surrender, I felt faith arise inside my heart. Jesus said in Mathew 7:11, “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” Sometimes we get so locked into our boxes that we forget that there is anything outside of it. We forget about our wonderful Father, and as a result we lack simply because we have never asked.

So this week I have been asking, and I have already seen his amazing provision (outside of our budget). He provided for my hair appointment (What an awesome blessing!). And even for my dentist work through some side night gigs that Matt got at the last moment. I have seen God’s hand this week, and I too have felt His smile again. It has been such a good reminder because no matter how much I plan, I scheme, I work, I earn… God is not in my box. And thankfully, He’s not in yours either.